This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
