I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
