Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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