dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
