I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
