He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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