Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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