ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
