He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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