Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
