I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
