Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
