This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
being pregnant is like rehab
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
