I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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