I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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