The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
