mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
her vagine was all disorganized.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize