Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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