Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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