How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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