Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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