so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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