Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
