I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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