We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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