not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
