I puked a lego.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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