We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My life is pants optional.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
