I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
