the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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