Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He keeps bees of course he's weird
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
