just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
