It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
