omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
