dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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