He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
