wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
