he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
