Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
