After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
