He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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