i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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