Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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