he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
