:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
