I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
