So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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