what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
