dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
