Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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