Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
