Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
