Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
