Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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