hotel room ftw
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize