why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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