I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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