he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize