return my video game
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
