Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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