Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
