I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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