Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
