I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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