I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
