Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
