Can i not drive my cunt home
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
