I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
