yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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