I just pynch a tree in the face
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
