I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it was like eating out sand paper
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize