went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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