barbara walters just said penis...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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