I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
