turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize