I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
