Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
