hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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