Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
