I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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