why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
