It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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