Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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