Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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