Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
