shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize