Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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