i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
