Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
