I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
