new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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