im drinking this country out of the recession.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
