something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We're too hungover to prance.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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