i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
