I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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