Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize