We won't sleep together?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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