she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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