My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
