So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
