yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
