He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
