I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I cockslap morals
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
