i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
