I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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