Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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